Now That I See the Thing

by Eleanor Fish

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1.
03:36
2.
03:05
3.
03:57
4.
04:17

about

songs from the past few years. recorded in windsor terrace

thanks to dean for helping me record the songs, and for being my best friend

photo taken in alabama on the little cahaba river

credits

released July 28, 2017

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Eleanor Fish Brooklyn, New York

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Track Name: Tight Fist
I can't be alone
you can't leave me on my own

my body cleaves to you
there's nothing else I'm letting through
except you and me and this small room

how can I describe
the way my body feels so tight
and I have lived on my own
had fears and hopes you did not know

I am just a puddle
I am just a small rock
when you're not near me
sometimes I think I don't exist at all
sometimes I think I don't exist at all

I can't feel at home
is there a guidebook I don't know
and I have gone down this path
but this time I'm never coming back

distance's not the issue
I can feel this far away when you're close
how open are you supposed to let yourself get
with the person you love the most
when all you want to do is stay closed
Track Name: Morning Song
I don't know which way is right
I don't know who's on my side
am I even on my own side

loving you
is the only thing I know how to do
but I'm grown and need some other skill
I am always going for what kills me

if you and me were free
we'd make a happy family
our lives would be filled with love
I know that it's not so far off
but I'm scared that I could lose it all

this morning song
will help me be so strong
because I love the sun and its clouds
I am never coming down
to that black hole that I found
Track Name: Park Walk
walk in the park
I don't want to know where you are

my friend is moving away today
what are the other friendships I can save
those girls from college really don't like me
that's ok I'm not still twenty-three

walk in the park
I don't want to know where you are

I can count all my friends on one hand
I say this not because it's untrue
I say this not wanting sympathy from you
I'm just wondering what the function is
of telling anyone what is
and if I open myself real wide
I wouldn't even recognize
my own insides

so I walk in the park
and i don't want to know where you are
I will curl up really small
you won't know that I'm there at all
Track Name: Lucy
what does it mean to be your first girl
what does it mean to be a girl right now
what does it mean to have a boyfriend at twenty-six
what does it mean to be an open person

but I know your last name
and I know why you came around my door
I know you now then and before
I know you now

what does it mean to have a fever
you drive all night and then you hold my face
I thought I knew you for a long time
but it's just been four months
I know it's not a lot
I know it's not a lot

but I will go to all your birthdays
and I will knock on your door and say hey
lucy I think I love you still please let me in
lucy I think I love you still please let me in

so tell all your friends
I'm your new old girlfriend
we'll get a dog it'll be your dog
and we'll move to maine someday